Bad 2 Months

Just as a warning this post will be mainly rants and complains so if you don't want that i suggest reading the previous one its somewhat cute and sweet. Plus this is my blog and i can put what i want on it. I don't think anyone reads this thing anyways but for a favor could you comment on this so i see how many people actually read this.

Mainly girl problems so ya i going to start with the first:

There is this girl i am going to give her the nick name "Magenta", we wore going out during the month of January. We went out a few time even seemed to click but out of no where she just called me weird and gave me attitude so i decided to cut my looses and not talk to her again. though she did talk to me for a little bit about her guy problems later on which i should have just hung up on her.

This girl which i will name "Copy" wasn't someone i was interested because she was so flaky, But i liked having her as a friend. On Valentines week i couldn't find anyone to go with so i was a little bumbed so i wanted to hang out with Copy but when i went up to her in the hall she was like avoiding me really bad and eventually told me to leave. The next day i called her to see whats up and she said she could not be friends anymore because the guy she was dating didn't like it. This has happen to me in the past so it really ticked me off. now we don't speak and i have one less person in my life. At least i met someone the night i was really mad though i never see her because she works 60 hours a week and drinks the remaining hours. Its kinda worse sense she is 26 and like this so it probably a life style and not a phase. Her mom does drink also and i don't know if i want to get into this because i have had some bad experiences with my family and alcohol.

I found out some information about my Web Tech and Android Class. I asked the teacher what kind of graphics we would be doing in Android which was the entire point of taking this class and he said we are not doing graphics and he does even know how to program for android. I am already stuck in this class so i can't drop it. This was a really big disappointment.

Another thing i feel like my friends from UTSA are leaving me behind i am no longer invited to many of the gathering and seem to look down on me sometimes about the dismissal. i feel like i don't have the pear support anymore like i use to. I guess its really my fault i should have tried harder to stay at UTSA, but i really did try though. i studied pretty often didn't party to much. but i will try harder when i get back. i believe this is a big part of my depression.

You know this is the first time in a blog that i referred to myself as depressed i don't even think i have said it in real life. I think because being someone with depression scares me. When i was younger someone in my family very close to me shoot herself because she didn't know how to deal with her depression, luckily she made it alive, i don't know how i would have grown up without her. Now she has to take anti depressants and always seems miserable and i don't want to be like that. So i try my best to be happy but for some reason i have not been able to keep a constant happiness for a while now. I am trying to go see a therapist about it but still have some health insurance issues to figure out. I am sorry if i look angry all the time but i am not i am actually sad and don't want to look sad around anyone i know. So when ever i feel sadness coming on i think angry thoughts to make sure i don't tear up or look depressed.

I have been working out like crazy not only to loose weight but i heard working out makes you feel better you know because of the endorphin thing. It does not seem to help much on either of my goals . The only thing i noticed is that i am a little more aggressive and my legs bigger.

I dropped Cal III

I'm going with the nickname Lana for this next one. Me and Lana have been hanging out for a few weeks now. We get along well and even went on a date. This past Friday i asked her if she would like a second date and she said probably not. Then Sunday i see Lana is now in a relationship. I am not mad at her she has the choice to be with who ever she wants to be with. But i am still sad, i think i let my hopes get up so its my fault for thinking there might be more when there was not. The problem is that i last year if i get into this situation again i can not hang out with her anymore unless we date again. I did this to protect myself, sense i have been hurt several times before from something like this.

Though i am somewhat mad at this next girl who should have been out of my life two years ago i will call her Lambda. Two years ago i was kinda seeing this girl Lambda. I knew she was seeing some other guy who she eventually picked, so i cut my looses stop talking to her. Well last night out of the blue while i was already having a crappy day she calls. She calls to ask if i want to hang out with her boyfriend because he needs more friends and thinks we would get along because we have the same personality. I told her no but she still keeps bugging me about it. I just want to say "No i DON'T want to hang out with your boyfriend you stupid Bitch!!!" but i am much to polite to for that. I wish i could though because i think it would feel awesome at this point. I don't know what she is trying to accomplish; is she trying to get me to be a really awkward 3rd wheal with them or just trying to rub this in my face. I think its the first reason but both suck. I have three questions for Lambda one why would she think i am okay with this?; two how is she okay with this? if i wore in her shoes i would not want someone i dated hanging out with my boyfriend especially if that person was the other person at first; and three is he okay with this? i am pretty sure he knew she was dating me and him at the same time before they got together. Oh by the way she bears the name i want to give my daughter and she is might make me resent that name if she keeps asking about me hanging out with her boyfriend.

When i travel alone many people ask why don't i take someone with me, and i usually tell them i had no one to go with and there next question is why don't you get a girlfriend. I really wish people would stop asking this, i know they don't mean any harm but it just reminds me that i don't have anyone. I do try to find girls and date them as you can see from other blogs and this one but it just hasn't worked out yet. The last time i was in a relationship was four years ago, and i haven't told many people this but she had another "real" boyfriend while she was with me And i even dated someone for almost a year but they seem to embarrassed to call me there boyfriend so that ended. And for travelling alone i really do wish i had someone with me to share the memories and the experiences with. It makes me really sad that even though it means a free trips a girl still does not want to be with me. For my upcoming Berlin trip i even had to ask to see if a escort would go with me just so i would not be alone when i go over there.

P.S. One of my closest friends went to mexico to visit her boyfriend so i kind of mis her and i am worried about her

P.S.S. i have a important Programming Competition coming up and have been worrying about that too.

Letter to my 15 year old self

Dear Joseph, Happy 15th Birthday!!!

This is your 22 year old version of your self. Life is pretty good right now but i would like to leave you with some Suggestions.

1. For Computer Science you did pick the right field and even thought this semester is really hard you will get better. Learn perl, objective-c, and Low level c and your life will be so much easier. trust me because when it is 2011 you will need at least perl and c. The objective c is for the IPhone apps which will make you a lot money. Oh by the way a IPhone is a phone that can do pretty much most things a computer can do and will come out in a year, and in 2 years Android(a operating system) will come out for other phones don't worry its in java!

2. Oh and get out of Science and Engineering Academy it pretty much just waste your time from taking other better classes. You can still take all the same class but you now get to choose your classes instead of having most of them forced on you. Also start taking choir as soon as you can its a really fun class and you will make a lot of friends.

3. Tell mom not to buy the mustang and get a more efficient car(civics, the civics from your time seem to have made it to my time) because the price of gas is going to go up really high. as for your car i don't want to ruin the surprise ;)

4. as for girls situation, this will get kinda confusing so i will give you some time lines to follow
(a) Sense this is your 15 birthday you should have already have met this one and already have a small crush on her. she is tall so i am sure you know who i am talking about. ask her out the day before the Christmas break i believe this is your best time. Though she will have a small problem with your atheism, so figure that out i can't help you on that one.
(b) This next girl you don't really know. But as from what i understood from a conversation you had with her in like 4 year you had a chance. She said she like you around the time right after she left Robert your friend. She is the best friend of the girl you call Dot. I think you meet her at Dot's Birthday party. Get Her number and ask her out! I think y'all would be very compatible, i know this because several years later we became really close friends but you have to ask fast because the chance will close up.
(c) At the start of your Soft-more year you meet a girl in quart yard, She will just come up too you and give you her number. Now you might think how will i know which one is that on. I have to break the bad news to you, this does not happen to you once in all of high school(there you go live with that). She is really cool but can be a little flaky at times. I think you should really wait for someone else if you know what i mean.
(d) This next Girl is really sweet, she is from La Grange Texas. You will meet her near the end of your schooling at (Spoiler Alert!) Northwest Vista College though you do not meet her there. She Loves vanilla so bring her something with a lot of it!
(e)Oh when you go to France for the first time you meet a red head with green eyes. you should see if you can go out with her the next night because all you end up doing is messaging her on Myspace every once in a while but then loose contact. So ya have some fun!
So there you go Pick one and go with it. Though i do warn you I have no clue what happens if you wore to pick more then just one. So tred lighlty my friend.

Relating to People

For the past year many of my friends have been coming to me for some pretty bad stuff that is either happening to them or has happen to them in the past. I am glad that my friends see me as a person that they can go to during hard times, but i have notice they don't seem to satisfied about what ever talk they have with me. The problem is i have a hard time relating with people because i never really had to go through a hard time in; my life has been pretty steady going up till now. I'm not trying to brag but i really wish i could identify with people that are going through hard times because i feel helpless for them. I will list some of the bad stuff in my life and you will probably think "that's not that bad" and i would say "Exactly!!!" my life really has not had its fair share of hardships.

When i was in the 7th grade my mom made me move from San Antonio to some small racist town called Glade Water TX. it was a small racist town very different from San Antonio. There was nothing to do and no one to really talk to. The reason why i really hated this is because when i tried to apply at TAMS(Texas Academy of Mathematics and Science) the Glade water middle school lost my records and ruined my chances of going to the high school i dreamed of going to.

Matter in fact i think that probably one of the worst things other then a few heart breaks(one really big one) but that all seems so small compared to some of the problems my friend face. I don't know what to do about it but i try and do what i can for them and hope for the best.

P.S. By the time i finished this blog Steve Jobs had passed away. I might have not have like his tactics and some of the software, but i did look up to him for pushing technology and opening the door for small developers. Also Let not forget Dennis Ritchie The inventor of C and contributed greatly to Operating Systems and all forms of computing.

2 Months

Well its been 2 months sense i last posted a blog and i was trying to do one every 2 weeks but not to many thing have happen these past 2 months. Finally i just got enough stuff to make a full blog.

Lets start off with February mainly Valentines day. The night before Valentines day i was scrabbling to find 5 yellow tulips for a girl i didn't even know the name of (more on the girl in a little bit). You would thing sense its the night before Valentines most flower shops would be low on roses and have pretty much every other flower. Well i guess their strategy is through all the other flowers out and buy a ton of roses which probably works well for everyone else case but not mine. I finally found this place near medical center that had 5 orange Tulips(This was okay sense i could not find yellow). The reason why i didn't go with roses is because that seems like flower you would get someone you wore actually dating, and tulips are my favorite flower too. This girl is a work-study in the building next to the one i work in and we would wave at each other and say hi every now and then. I usually like to get someone something special every year even though i get every girl i see that day something i like to get one of them something more. I went to give her the flowers and she seemed to like them and i actually got a name, but i didn't get a number but i think if i talked a little more maybe i could have. I was a little nervous so i went a little to fast. Anyways i haven't talked to her sense then either i have been 2 busy or when i go to visit she is not working at the moment. Below is a picture of the flowers i got for her

Spring break, it has been mostly boring but had a few fun day. For one a good friend of my came to visit from Baltimore and i have not seen her in like 7 months. Tuesday night i went to the hookah bar with my friends and caught up from the stuff that happens to use during the semester, we tend to be busy or out of town so we don't seem much of each other. Next on the list is St.Patty's Day i had a blast hung out with my friends and drank a little, Hope to do it again soon.

First weeks of Spring Semester!

Well i am officially on the fourth week of the Spring Semester. Its amazing how fast classes go, i always feel that my classes start to pass by so fast that i can't catch up social wise and academic wise.This week also marks my first week that i only work 19 hours at NVC because we move to 40 hour the first 2 weeks of the semester, NVC starting a week late make those first 2 weeks end this past Friday. This blog is starting to get boring probably because there is not much drama in my life at the moment but i promise to post once i do get some in :)

First Blog of the Year!

I know its a little late into the year for the first blog but hey i been busy. New years was pretty fun i got to hang out with friends at the Bonham Exchange. We had a blast but had to take a Taxi home; it was a little expensive but was not so bad when we split the bill. I also had new years day day off to spend it with a few friends at their house.

News of my life for the first 2 weeks of the year. is pretty boring for others but i am excited because Boxee is back! :D i use to love to watch her like 2 years ago and had a great show on youtube, and actually one of my new years revolution is to start my own show, weather people like it or not i don't care its mainly for me and to take up time. Also this past two weeks i thought of someone different but its kinda weird so I will see what happens with that; probably nothing will happen (like always) but hey you can always have hope RIGHT!

Links to my favorite shows on youtube order did not matter:

Philip De Franco show - http://www.youtube.com/user/sxephil

Boxee - http://www.youtube.com/user/ANewHopeee

Sex+ - http://www.youtube.com/user/lacigreen

LinzLoves - http://www.youtube.com/user/LinzLoves

Philip De Franco Show is the first of the Youtube shows i watched i have been fallowing this show for 3 years now. The show is hosted by Philip De Franco a guy somewhat the same age as me, and his shows are usually a comical view on the major events of the day. He commonly has little segments in the show like Megan Fox watch, Douche bag of the day, BAMF(bad ass Motherfucker) of the day, and Fail Friday. To this day the only ones that stick are douche bag of the day and its counter part BAMF of the day. The show is Monday through Thursday and sometimes Friday(Fail Friday).

Boxee Recently just came back after 2 years of not being on the web. Deleting her old videos it is somewhat hard to find her original videos but if you look "boxee the original" you can at least see 1 of her new shows. Originally made popular by Philip from the Philip De Franco show she gain like 50000 followers in one day. It played by a girl who goes by the name Boxee and is know for being a wacky meme on the web. This past week she posted her first video in over 2 years saying she might come back to the web. I really hope she comes back!

Sex+ Pronounced "sex positive" is a show hosted the lovely Laci Green. The show revolves around positive sex and relationship advice by answering viewers question and/or her own life experiences. Laci teaches Sexual education to the youth in her area being student her self she does not always has the time do do her videos. She was mentioned on the show Philip De Franco Show but was popular before the publicity. Her shows are usually on Saturday with a occasional "mid week quickie."

LinzLoves is a Vlog/Show posted by Linzey. Her shows are the closest to a "Vlog" because they tend to revolve around her life and personal experiences but sometimes does do reviews on products. Being the girlfriend of Philip of Philip De Franco show her channel tends to get many hit and even sometimes has Philip on the show.

When i eventually start my own show i would like it to have News but also personal experience so somewhere between the Philip De Franco show and LinzLoves show. I plan to start this somewhere in the month of May due to the fact that is my most free month. So Stayed Tuned!!!

Cool links:

peoples eyes - http://www.geekologie.com/2011/01/windows_to_the_soul_eyeball_cl.php

Love at First sight

I don't personally believe in love at first sight, i think you have to at least spend a good amount of time with someone to develop a bound like that. As you can see i am somewhat bored at work and wanted to right about something so i decided to right about this subject. i think the feeling that people say is "love at first" is actually like a higher state of infatuation. Infatuation is what drives us humans to start a relationship with each other. This in not to be confused with lust, lust is more like the sexual feeling towards someone, like seeing a girl and just thinking just about Sex(If you say you have never had these thoughts your LYING!!!). The only bad thing is that infatuation goes away after a while of being around them but then that's when love really sets in given that y'all actually wore a good match for each other. i had a philosophy teacher tell us that even though being with one person for years does not feel as amazing as being with them for only a few months but the pain of leaving someone from years of love will hurt for years.

As for my personal experience with the "higher state of infatuation". i think i have only been in that state of amazement with like only 2 girls before. i am not saying that they wore the only girls i would want to go out with i am just saying that i felt most attracted to when i first met them. Personality wise they wise they wore pretty similar; both wore really easy to get along with, very smart(and in a nerdy way too), and a little goofy but not to much. Differences in them would be defiantly the way they dressed, one was more rocker and the other was little more "preppy". i met the first one my 2ND year at Northwest Vista College in my Cal 1 class. she sat on the table behind me and we would always ask each other question. After being friends for a while i found out she had a boyfriend of 4 years who by chance happen to be a buddy of mine in another class. He was a nice guy so i didn't want to bother them plus he to was a CS major(We CS people have to stick together). The other girl i met quite recently, it was this past summer at SAC. I believe she was single at the time i met her and all through the summer, but i was with someone at the time and i was happy so not wanting to be a ass i just stayed her friend and went on our ways after the summer semester was over. We chat now and then but now she is with someone and she lives far away. i wouldn't mind the drive to see her but if she is already with someone so i missed my chance if i had one.

P.S. i was bored at work writing this but about half way through the second paragraph i got really busy :( but i finished it.